How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
