that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
