Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
