doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
