I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
