on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
