It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
