He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize