Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
