i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
