I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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