i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
