a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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