I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
