Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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