Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
