I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize