I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
