I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
