i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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