so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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