The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
