Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
