We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
