the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
