and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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