what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
