i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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