i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
