So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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