Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
