Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
