You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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