It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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