Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
