I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
