Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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