Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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