Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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