Will you blow on my dice?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love you.
Bad choice
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
