Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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