i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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