I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
