she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
