Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
