you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
