I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
