Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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