He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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