she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
