Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
