just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
