Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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