I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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