Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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