ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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