Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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