I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
