And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
