the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
