Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
