Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
