your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
