Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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