my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
