Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
