Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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