My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize