He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
