dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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