yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
